Out of Season

I was sitting n my front porch and noticed something odd. We have a magnolia tree that grows alongside the driveway. For the past two years in a row it has started to blossom like in past years. However, the weather being what it has been, a heavy frost hit and killed the normally beautiful and bright flowers.  The buds turned sickly brown and fell to the driveway below.

Yet, here I see something odd. In two different places within the upper limbs are two fresh buds growing. The pink and white striation piercing the dark green of the leaves. But, this isn't the season for this. This is not supposed to be the time for blossoming. Now is supposed to be the hazy mundane season of heat and rain allowing normal growth of the main trunks. Yet, there they are.

As I pondered I was taken to an odd piece of scripture.  During Jesus' final week, he walked past a fig tree while he was hungry. He found no figs on the tree, the writer pointing out that it was not the season for figs. Yet, even with the fact that it was out of season, Jesus still cursed the tree.

I understand the connection to be multilayered. The first is that we are entering into a new age whereby the normal rules for the normal seasons and predictable growth are no longer going to hold sway. The "church" has be so weighed down by man made rules and doctrine that e Spirit is no longer able to flow freely and this in the normal season the blossoms are no longer able to sustain. Instead the Spirit must move on his own terms and in His own time. He will call forth His fruit as He will. Those who are not alert and not able to flow with the shifting of this season will miss the harvest.

The other layer is that we are to be prepared in season and out of season to bear witness. As those bright colors contrasted with the dark green, so are we to be those bright colors as we allow the light of Christ to shine through us. Just because it does not "feel like" the right time, the right circumstance or he right season, these are excuses are not acceptable.  We are to be ready. 

We are in what hey call the post modern era. We are past the golden age of the Christian Church and mainstream denominationalism. We are in a new first century in which we, as Christian, are becoming less and less burdened by cultural acceptability and are instead moving into a new season as experienced by the first century church. A season in which the Spirit is able to flow as he wills. This is a potential time of Faith being raised up that will once again have the power to move mountains.  We need to watch and remain faithful.

The Grey

The Grey

So much talk about black and white

Polarized opinions

Pendulum swings of assumptions

Who's wrong who's right

Is just shades of grey

Seen a lot

Read even more

Explored and asked

Listened to reasons

Only to hear shades of grey

Wanted clear lines

Distinct judgments

And absolutes

Without variables

Yet they blended into shades of grey

Though there's a sense

And understanding of

Basic rights and wrongs

Knowing good n knowing evil

In the midst of the grey

Seeing the darkness

Seeing the light

Experiencing the good

Experiencing the fight

That takes place within he grey

Life framed by birth n death

Defined "in the dash"

A summation in short sentences

Anecdotes and quips

While here within he grey

Yet still I believe

Know in my knower

Blurred lines not easily visible

Yet able to be discerned 

Within the shades of grey

This purpose given 

A lighter shade 

Added to lighter shades

Dimming the darkness

Lightening shadings of grey

reality

What truly is real?
How can I trust what it is
now that I feel?
what has happened
what truth to be made known
so many questions
no where nearly enough answers

I seek n pray
asking for God to give some
advice
maybe that's the problem
looking for advice
like there are some options
always wanting to stay in control
is that my own
sense of reality
the illusion i can make it better

I've drifted far away
from time to time
found myself on a
stranger's shore
visiting for a bit
till my attention
He gets and
back to sea I roam

What is reality
that I may have a sense of the real
what is truth
what is it that will last
what is it that will last
When will it last

I keep circling round
asking of time and sense
what truly is real
what is left as illusion
could any of it be trusted
is it simply silky and slipping
the tighter the grip
the faster it slips,
slip slipping away

help me, please help me
pinch me if need be
let me know what is real
what is true
what is strong
what can't be moved
that I might stay
wandering no more
and not find myself
on a stranger's shore

messy things

So, pretty funny how much attention gets paid to numerous issues. In fact, it is sometimes rather surprising what people notice and what people do not notice. There are times when I have often have thought something was absolutely obvious and turns out no one noticed. Other times, I thought something was inconspicuous and it turns out that everybody noticed.

For example, I have allowed my facial hair to grow basically every year during the winter. It is a family tradition I recall from childhood. Men in the family were hunters and fishermen. The beards began in October and stayed through ice fishing until March/April. I usually wear a goatee anyways. The beard would often be kept closely cropped, but was there none-the-less. I thought it was obvious....until this past year.

This past year, I decided to give it freedom to grow without limits. The purpose to this was prophetic, basically. With many things, certain issues come out of my childhood. One of those things, that relates to this, is my need for close cut, very neat, items. For example, I once allowed my hair to grow and was able to get it to a point of a pony tail. Yet, as I look back, those days of having a ponytail included always pulling back all my hair as tight as possible. I used multiple levels of hair product in order to keep it from having any "fly aways" or extraneous curls. There is one picture I have of my hair being loose. It was wild, out there, completely untamed. I thought back on that day and if I recall correctly, my mood was similar to that; untamed, wild, a bit out there. Eventually, I had to cut my hair short. The amount of product combined with the tension I was putting on it in order to make sure it complied was causing breakage and balding.

I, being who I am, had to take it to the other extreme. So, for a time, I intentionally shaved my head. I liked to cleanness to the look. It was easy maintenance. With urging from others, though, I eventually grew it back and now maintain a closer cropped head of hair.

The Beard:

Many seemed to notice the beard more so this year. As I thought about it, I think I know why. The closeness of the cut I normally keep was less outstanding given normal men's fashion. I would go a couple of days between shaving even with the goatee--sensitive skin plus dulling razor equals breakouts. So, in the end it is far more reasonable that it is so noticed.

It is even more noticeable to me. As noted earlier, I have an issue with things not being in place. You wouldn't know it by my office, especially my desk, but lack of organization plays havoc on me. Yet, this year, the beard was allowed to grow as it would. I resisted the temptation to get it under control. I outlined the "flyers" to grow periodically grooming with comb or brush to bring them into something resembling unison. This would never last of course. Beards are beards. They grow without any sense of care for each other, the individual whiskers only caring for their self development and sustainability on the field of "face".  Talk about messy! The discord on my face was amazing.

Yet, let it grow I did. It continued to gain size and shape. Colors came through. Flyers grew out. Some whiskers came in straight. Others had varying degrees and directions of curl. Looking at it, I was going crazy. It was course. It was messy. It was a distraction. Until the day I allowed my perspective to be changed. I took a step back from a mirror and looked. The mess was less noticeable. I took another step backwards and another and another. Eventually, as I got a newer perspective, I was able to see that the mess was not as messy as I thought. There was shape to it. There was a sense of the way that it now had a purpose. Suddenly, the messiness wasn't gone, it was now purposeful. A whole new sense.

I continued to let it grow, and will do so until the end of March. I am now looking forward to next fall already when I reengage in the same "experiment".

So, what's the purpose?

The Church.

Yes, the Church. As I looked. As I pondered. I prayed. I sought what it might be that God might be saying. Though, not audibly, I know now what I heard. The Church looks messy when you put it under the microscope. There are places where it is "colored wrong". There are other places wherein the twists and turns fight against each other. It appears unruly as you compare one to another and expectations are in conflict with each other.

All too often, it seems that we approach the Church in the way that I too often approached my beard/hair. We label, have expectations, a desire to control and harsh reactions to that which we do not approve of. Yet, if we allow the quilt work of the church to be seen from our heavenly Father's perspective, this would all change. He does not see all the mess, or should I say, he is far less concerned with the mess, than he is with the overall effect. He sees the beauty of the widow putting the mite in the temple box. He also sees the beauty of the many streams of the church coming together for varied purposes. He sees the beauty of all those inconsistent hairs coming together to form one whole. This is the bride. This is his hope.

Conclusion: I need to back off from judging the messiness and allow myself to see through His eyes the beauty He sees. I have to let my sense of judgment be altered. I have to allow for a dramatic shift in perception. I have to allow my heart to become the same heart that Jesus has....please join me in doing the same

Our Calling?

Yes, been a while......

This is a basic challenge to my priestly peers as well as a general shout out to the Priesthood of All Believers. Are you a shepherd or a pharisee?

I figure no gradual lead in. Let's just jump right in. After all, this speaks to so much of what we in the church are truly dealing with--a dangerous realization that faith levels have plummeted. Why? Maybe you don't care. Maybe you do care that your average Sunday attendance (ASA and the 'gold standard idol' of the Episcopal Church) is dropping. Maybe you don't.

Many years ago now I was sitting in Deacon's School on a Saturday afternoon. The teacher for the day was Arch Deacon Harvey Huth. He was expanding upon the understanding of shepherd as it related to the pastoral duties of our callings. He shared about growing up on a sheep farm. He talked about how you could always tell those who took care of sheep. How? Was it some convenient name tag with titles? Was it on their driver's licenses or non-driver's license id's? No....the way you could tell was a little more simple than that.

You could smell it.

He noted how, true shepherds, the ones who truly care for the flock, smell of that flock because of the time spent with them.  It did not matter the number of showers they took or how the clothes were washed or what they were washed in. There was always a certain smell that permeated everything. As a result, you can know the shepherds. And, as a result, you could tell the ones that were in it for show or only "part timers". They didn't carry the same level of scent to them.

This story has always stuck with me. Since the first time I heard it, it has sunk in and occasionally bubbles up to the surface again.

This morning, was one of the times.

You see, if we are truly called to be pastors, the same word in Greek also being shepherd, we are then probably going to smell like the sheep we tend. Does this frighten you? What might get in the way of this? How might others react?

To truly step up, as both a pastor and as part of the priesthood-of-all-believers, is going to require something of us that we may or may not be able to be overcome in a singular moment--we have to stop being afraid of hell.

Yes, I'm going there.

We need to stop being afraid of hell, the devil and the world.

When Jesus offered up his "high priestly prayer" in John 17, he asked that we not be taken out of the world, but that we no longer be a part of the world. He also, when Peter offered his confession of faith, Jesus said this (the confession of Jesus as the Christ and Son of God) would be the rock upon which he would build the church and, here's the kicker/gut punch/whatever you care to call it, the gates of Hell would not prevail against it.

Do gates move? Not that I'm aware of. Last I knew, gates are stationary. They sit and guard a stationary locale of a physical place. Even as a city might expand, the original gates still remain and new gates are merely added as the walls are expanded further and further out.

So, why would Jesus make these kind of statements regarding the gates of hell? Perhaps he had lost his mind for a moment? Or, perhaps, just maybe, Jesus was expecting the kingdom/the church, to move in such a way as to push against those gates? Ponder this for a moment. What does that mean for how we are to pastor our flocks? Behind closed walls in sanitized buildings with beautiful decorations? How does that push against the gates of hell? If anything, that allows hell even more building room.

I was trying to come up with some fancy way of articulating this. I am currently unable to. So, here it is in plain speak:

Our churches are failing because faith has been replaced with fear and pastors have been replaced with pharisees.

We fear the world and all that it has to offer. We fear pastoring those who may not be like minded or may struggle with numerous challenges that are "offensive" or maybe they are young and raw in their faith and this is something that feels prickly and uncertain. It raises anxiety and that anxiety bleeds out into the congregation and the congregation becomes more and more anxious. Rather than our focus being on introducing and cultivating a relationship with God, we focus on trying to create good church goers who will help out at the bazaar and give a good image to the local grocery store.

We don't smell like sheep. We smell like myrrh and fabric softener.

We seek uniformity rather than unity and, like the early Jewish counter parts, we teach the precepts of men rather than the word of God. How could I be so bold to proclaim this? Where in the bible does it say that men have to have short hair and women have to have long hair? Where does it say that a man should not have an earring? Actually, to that, the bible says the opposite. The levitical law included a provision for piercing the ear of a slave that did not want to leave his master's home.

My challenge to us, myself included, is to become more fully open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Paul was driven to the gentiles and preached to them a strange new belief. They were not circumsised, ate crabs and munched on bacon. They did not follow any of the rules. Yet, he went boldly to them in order to share the message of the good news of Christ and the restoration of the relationship between Creator and creation.

Patrick went back into the very place in which he endured slavery in order to bring the good news. He did not stop their practices. He did not stop their songs. He did not stop their prayers. He offered to them the opportunity to turn these over to God. Thanksgiving prayers were given each more at the kindling of the fire. Now, rather than offering up that thanks to some other deity, they offered up the thanks they already had to the new light in their lives, the light of Christ. Celtic Christianity is filled with this. Patrick worked side by side with them in the fields, hauling wood, tending flocks, getting water, preparing meals, mending fences and roofs and all of the other day to day chores that went into life. Only when they would go to worship would they separate out.

We have sterilized our faith which has led to it losing all power and presence.

Brothers and sisters, it is time to begin walking by faith rather than hiding in fear. It is time for us to use our worship time as a time of refreshing only to empower us to more boldly spend the rest of the week in the world. How will they hear if no one is sent to them? How will they know that the love of Christ is available if the only thing they encounter in the world is our sneers and disdain for those who "are like we used to be"? How will they ever step foot into a church/worship service if all they know of it is how judged they already are on the outside of the building?

I have never ever seen one person successfully shamed into belief. I have never seen any one person sustain faith that is birthed in fear of hell (whether now or in the afterlife). I have seen time and time again that faith birthed out of desperation all too often fades when the pressure is taken off.

I have seen whereby someone comes to a different understanding of God as a result of my relationship with Him and with them.

Join me as I accept this challenge to live my faith boldly following the leading of the Holy Spirit unafraid of hell. After all, scripture says that He who is in me has overcome the world. The victory has been one. Time to stop living in fear of defeat.

God's peace and blessings to all.

Lost the tune

So long having been lost

Expectations down to nothing

Never having tasted of the tune

Thoughts distantly dreaming

Of dancing n swirling

Arms wide n head back in utter abandon

But didn't have the tune

Glimpses of others

Gifted with freedom able to soar

Instead of sour jealously guarding 

That seemingly secret tune

Till the day chance stumbling upon it

Perhaps destined or purposes didn't much matter

I'ld found the tune

Now my time to dance with abandon

Love in the freedom no burden could take

Revelling  in that sacred tune

Dreams now probables

Hopes aren't just possibles

They hold a reality within the tune

Never noticed the clouds moving in

Failed to detect the fog with its bone chilling burden

That brought the fading of the tune

Instead simply dumb founded 

Or maybe dumb

As silence slipped between the notes

Of the tune

Till I listened with dread

The old stuff now clanging

Cacophony of noise without a tune

Where did it go how do I get there

Back to the place

I lost the tune

Isolation

Isolation in crowded rooms

Self imposed rules 

With no origin or destination

Cut off from the crowd

Peering into empty black

Inky glistening off tear stained lashes

Knowing that no one

Or do they

Can they will they 

Questions best left unanswered

The twisting uncertainty of will over matter

The burdens magnified by their own substance

A quagmire of desperation leading only deeper

While crying so desperate with unheard whispers 

The matter doesn't nor ever did it

There is no real answer

Not now maybe ever

That point long since past

Searching for solid amongst 

Gelatin the illusion of substance

Only colored water that never freezes

Shifting and shimmering alluring 

Rainbows distracting 

Thoughts detracting 

And still sitting here all alone. 

The argument within

Wind in face, sun brightening the day

Freedom of rolling with the road

Yet you are hidden away

The roar too loud, no one will hear my cry

The rolling is shaking instability n insecurity

Join me as friend embracing freedom offered

Draw near in strength of fellowship n security of brotherhood

Friends leave and families are fake

Embracing is begging to be broken

The nearer I am drawn, the further away safety is found

I am still calling to you hand stretched out

We simply unite as one bound by blood

To move on n through no time no worries

Adoption isn't possible hugs are never free

Everything comes with a price n I've paid mine in spades

Never given reason to mistrust

Never given reason to trust

Can't earn what is gifted

Gifts are never given only earned

Free never been worth having

To you it's already been given through the bond offered

Come out of the shadows to a new freedom
Learn to dance on the wind

Only if you promise n never let go of my hand

spiritual family

Each year I make it a practice to read through the bible. It has been that way since I was first sitting under the teaching of my mentor and spiritual father, A. Wayne Bowers. He had been doing it since he first came to relationship with Christ. I thought, after so many years, what is left to re-read? Then, one morning early on in this part of my walk, I was listening to the radio. A pastor was talking about the bible and the accuracy of it, original documents and why we could/should trust it. During his talk, he quoted someone who had been one of his mentors. He said, "you should ruin a bible every year." At first, having been raised during a time when bibles were in court rooms and there was the fear of the hammer strike for misrepresenting when your hand was on one, I was terrified. He then quickly explained that you should be spending so much time in the word that your bible is marked up, pages bent, bindings loose and no room left for notes in margins. So, my journey began. 

This year, I was reading through 2 Chronicles. It was like swimming in mud through the first 12 chapters. Why? The listings of names--genealogies. There is such a heavy emphasis in the Hebrew scriptures for who you come from. Everything is based upon the census and whose line you descend from. Chronicles isn't the only place. There are many listings throughout the Hebrew scriptures. Later, in Matthew, we get the same type of listings in order to demonstrate Jesus' descent through the Davidic line. There were even those in Nehemiah that were excluded from priestly office due to being unable to confirm their family line. 

Why does this catch my eye?

Jesus.

He was approached by his disciples saying that his mother and brothers were outside and wanted to see him. He asks, "who is my mother and brothers?" He goes on to explain that those who do the will of his father are his mother and brothers and sisters. In a singular moment, Jesus radically shifts the emphasis of inheritance from actual blood lines to the common relationship with his heavenly Father. No more does your relationship (inclusive of your role in worship) depend upon who your father's father's father was. It now, in that sentence, depended upon you and your personal relationship. 

And, this same relationship then draws you into a different relationship with those who are also in that relationship. They and you now becoming family, extending beyond, perhaps even more accurately excluding your blood lines. Bonds now exist as a result of your spiritual connection. Family takes on a whole new meaning. 

And a whole new value. After all, your Father is now a king, regardless of what state you were born into. This means that, by virtue of who your father is, you are now an heir to a kingdom--royalty. Your past, including your parents' pasts and their parents' pasts, no longer matters. Only the future. 

Think about the dynamic of this as a truth. Think about what this might mean for habitual behaviors that you seem to do simply because, "that's a family thing". Hey, that isn't your family's thing, because "we" don't do that. How do I know? Because, He doesn't do that and you and I are his kids.

You are a child of God. The family you are a member of is vast, compelled by his love and seeking to always adopt making new family members. Your past is no longer. 

Look towards your future.

A quick note on timing

I have often wondered about God's perfect timing. How much do we trust in it? How much do we rely on it? How much do we attempt to tweak it? I know I am particularly guilty of the last. Way too often, I know what I would like to have happen and when. Yet, it doesn't. I get frustrated. Even thoughts of why bother will sometimes come to mind (oh, that may have been too honest.....oh, well, what's been written cannot be unwritten). I seek Him out, whenever the struggle flairs up again. I have often asked him for encouragement. I've even gone so far as to ask Him to physically manifest himself in such a way that I cannot help but trust His presence. Again, my hands, my will, may way. Happily, He doesn't typically respond to my requests in exactly the manner that I would want Him to. Instead, being sovereign, my Father tends to answer me His way, in His timing, not respecting what I want, but focused on what I need. Thus, Jesus notes for us that even an earthly father who is worth anything would not give a stone when their child asks for a fish.

So, impatiently, I pace, day dream, pray, argue with myself and keep telling myself that I will trust until I actually begin to believe in the trust that I know I want to and should have. 

And then there is the enemy. We shouldn't necessarily trust in his "perfect timing" but we sure should trust in his predictable timing. After all, throughout my life, at times of what should be great moments of joy, along will come that one thing designed to derail my joy, take me off of my focus and get me back to a more pliable state of defocused faith, distraction, frustration and possibly even a sense of the "I Quits!". Why oh why do I let him get away with it? My God is so much bigger than him, yet, at times, I am so subject to him in the way I allow myself to get taken off of my focus. Like Peter, in the midst of a great miracle, I move my focus from my Savior, to the wavers. I lose sight of the fact that it is not the wavers who command my Savior. It is my Savior who commands the waves. 

Lesson to be learned: know this, that the enemy will not be happy with any victory you have in life, he will show up to distract you and pull your focus, D O  N O T  L E T  T H I S  H A P P E N. Keep your eyes fixed, trust in Him who brought you to that place of victory and do not be fooled by the crash and flash of some crow's squawking. 

And, the other lesson, maybe worth expanding on later down the line; Don't become the enemy's pawn in someone else's life. How does that happen? When you see them in their moment of victory/celebration, refuse to allow yourself to partake in anything that would take that away. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in such things, but keep your eyes fixed on what matters. In scripture, we are called to a culture of honor, not criticism. We are to be building each other up, not tearing each other down. Yes, constructive criticism can be helpful in order to correct what needs correction. However, the timing of that is crucial as to whether you will actually be speaking life changing truth to a person or death dealing victory crushing. 

Each of us has this choice.

a commentary on "Call no man Father"

Often I have heard individuals quote from scripture Jesus giving the instruction to call no man father. Interestingly, as individuals bring this up, they fail to mention that Jesus also, in the same breath, instructed to call no one Teacher. The context of this passage (Matthew 23:9) is surrounded by Jesus addressing the attitude and actions of the pharisees. He is addressing the crowds and saying to them that they should obey the instructions of the pharisees, but not duplicate their behaviors.

Early controversy arose through this relative to the reformation. It had little to do with the actual application of the scripture and more to do with not wanting to appear "Roman" in any way (later it came to be not wanting to appear "Catholic"). Modern commentators have started to re-examine some of the early 20th century comments on such scriptures and have pulled away from divisive understanding of such scriptures. After all, scripture, though sometimes paradoxical is not supposed to be contradictory. Paul will later write of himself being a father to Timothy and others. This would be in contradiction to "the command" if it is a command. Paul will also write regarding God's gift of giving "some as apostles, some as prophets, some as evangelists and some as teachers and pastors" (emphasis added). The above from Matthew directs that no one is to be called a teacher since there is only one teacher, the Christ. Yet, here we have others listed as being given as gifts for the "building up of the body of (the church)". Jesus himself is frequently referred to as Rabbi and does not tell them "don't call me that." He simply moves on from it and takes advantage of their attention in order to teach. 

As I have meditated on this, most recently prompted by a question someone proposed on Facebook, I have been drawn deeper into what Jesus' overall message may be. I say may, since, given the two thousand years worth of teaching, I may be stepping out into a very deep water and upsetting the whole applecart as they say. The basics of all of the teachings of Jesus could be boiled down to a simple concept: relationship. His first emphasis is on the relationship between a person and God. His second emphasis is on the relationship of a person with other people. His concern appears throughout the New Testament (don't care for the term but it at least fits) to be on moving away from regulated relationships based upon outward constructs of rules which govern behavior and to move towards and inward sense of relationship in which ones behavior is governed more by a reaction to an inpouring of love, grace and mercy superseding rules and regulations. Going back to the psalms and even 1 Samuel, God is spoken of about being concerned with the position of a person's heart far more so than the person's behavior. "These people are wayward in their hearts" and "do not look on the outward appearance but on the heart" and "God will circumcise their hearts" to cite a few examples. God has demonstrated his concern for relationship from the beginning. In light of this, we may benefit from examining any teachings done by Jesus through the question of "what is he saying about my heart condition as it relates to relationships with others?" 

Even the Lord's prayer, in this context, takes on a far deeper meaning. It is not about proper recital of the necessary words in order to influence God's will. It is an expression of the trust and faith that the prayer has in the one being prayed to. Not some distant generic g-o-d, but a Father, a shepherd, someone who knows me so well he even knows what I need before asking it, my heart condition behind it and yet still takes the greatest delight in my simply asking! He is not bothered by me coming to him, he is not put off by so many requests, nor is he exasperated by my asking for things I don't really need or may even be harmful. He simply enjoys my coming to him and seeking him out. The "Lord's Prayer" outlines this relationship from the start by naming whom it is that we are praying to, our Father who is in Heaven. Not our earthly fathers, some of whom have been pretty good and others not so much. Not our human fathers prone to overworked overwhelmed under appreciated and quite possibly distracted. No, we are coming to a Father who has begotten children and wants nothing more then for those children to continue in relationship with him. Like children, we speak to a father who tolerates much, such as "give us" and "forgive us"--we, sometimes brats that we are, demanding of our dad what he already plans for us, allowing us to say it anyways and answering with a smile, "what father amongst you, if your son asks for a fish will give him a stone instead.....how much more will your heavenly Father give you". 

The above is simply meant as a long example. There are several others throughout the gospels and later in the epistles. The principle teaching is on relationships. In that context, what might Jesus really be saying regarding "call no man father"? Is he really saying that we are to dump any pretext of honoring our parents? Given that one of his arguments with the pharisees is over "honor your father and mother", I believe he is not telling us to dump our relationships with our earthly family. He does say that our family ultimately extends beyond bloodlines. He addresses this when speaking with the disciples regarding "who is my mother and brothers?" Again, his emphasis is on relationship--those who do the will of my Father are my mother and sisters and brothers.

The context for the above is in regard to pride and making a show. He points out that the people in question are doing what they do for their own personal glory and recognition. He states that this, as in other examples, is the true problem--the attitudes of their hearts. They want to elevate themselves by pushing others down. They seek after titles and recognition in order to fulfill their own self-importance. The titles that Jesus' addresses in this very context then reference issues more relative to the person's inner nature and a lack of the title truly lining up with their heart condition.  It is the nature of the relationship they are in with their people that is at question, just as he emphasizes to this disciples. They are to be servants of all. What does a real father do? He serves those who are in his family. He will be the last to eat in order to ensure that his children are fed. He will be the first to rise and the last to go to sleep in order to ensure that the home is safe, chores are done and that his family can rest in peace. He makes sure that the family is provided for; clothing, food, shelter, etcetera. This is what a real father does. He is a servant to his family, not out of duty, but out of love. 

A real teacher, one who is genuine and called to teach, does so also out of love. They love to see the growth that occurs in their students. It is what inspires them and fuels them to continue. When a student struggles, a genuine teacher will sacrifice personal time, relearn techniques, consult with others and step as far out of the box as is safe in order to support their student in getting beyond whatever they may be struggling with. 

Jesus takes off his outer garment and girds himself with a towel in order to perform for his disciples the work of the lowest household servant. He washes their feet. They still called him teacher, for so he is/was. And in so doing, demonstrates to them what a true teacher/rabbi/father is to be like--a servant.

A father would willingly sacrifice his own life in order to save his children. Many a priest and/or pastor has done the same for the "flocks". Have there been horrible ones? Oh, yea, there have. Yet, is that a reason to condemn someone? Especially before you get to know if this person truly is "a father" to those he serves? There are those who heard very well this heart wrenching standard "no greater love has this than a man should lay down his life".  There are those of us who consider this a "no kidding" kind of thing.

Is your own reaction to such based upon religious prejudice or perhaps "father" for you is someone who has always been absent? Maybe father was even abusive and never showed love. Perhaps father is someone who left deep scars for you. I would suggest that you may find healing in the relationship being restored, not necessarily through your earthly father, perhaps through your heavenly Father and maybe even some of those He has sent as spiritual fathers.

God's peace and love to all of those that God has allowed me to call spiritual children.

identity thief

Finished up the work out, tended to the dogs and cats, got coffee on and went to shower before getting dressed. I found my portable speakers so I could listen to some music for the first time in a very long time (normally I am up before the rest of the house so cranking anything would be received with a bit of animosity at best and flying objects within the realm of possibles). Rather than going for a radio (iTunes radio), I searched through my own music to find something I hadn't listened to in quite some time. As the music played, shower warmed up, steam filled the room and mind began to wonder. Yes, wonder not wander. There was a reconnection that took place to that which I had a clue was missing but never quite could name it.

Me

Not the identified me by some obscure standards or by others' views of who they think I should be. No, in this case, it was connecting with the genuine me. That place in the ethereal wherein "inner child" and "outer child" and "in/outer sometimes wanna be adult" suddenly blend to create a united self. I wondered at how long it has been since that happened. I wondered at the times when I have tried so hard to be something/somebody else based upon others' expectations of me and what they believed those should be formed into. I wondered at this people pleasing (stemming from peacekeeping) that has never produced any good results yet instinctually I fall back into it time and time again.

A former mentor of mine once dubbed me a "diamond in the rough." They were talking with some colleagues and half in jest suggested that some polishing might be in order but not too much as those rough edges are what made me who I am. They thought that my approach and mannerisms of what I do, including my conversations with God, were uniquely me and that they needed to stay that way. Sadly, however, as time went on away from that moment, I found myself attempting to become more and more "acceptable" to my mentor. This resulted in me moving further and further away from those rough edges, artificially shaping myself into some else. The inner conflict as well as external conflicts, became terrible. At times, I truly began to feel like I was going to be ripped in half.

It was not working.

After some time, healing began. Yet, even in the midst of that healing, as progress was going on to get back to the point wherein I veered off course, I found myself getting pulled in another direction that again was pleasing others. This happened on more than one occasion and some of them even at the same time. The need for acceptance can be overwhelming. It can drive you to do things and become things you never ever ever thought or wanted to be. You can so easily become the mask that the player is literally forgotten. You abandon your own self for the sake of others smiling at you because you have become what they wanted of you.

It still doesn't work.

Every now and again, God shows up in my bathroom. I think it is probably because that is one place wherein he has my undivided attention. This past weekend was one of those times. I know now who I am to be and am praying that with His strength, I will be that person.

There are many forms of identity theft. The cruelest of which is when we give our identity away in order to make others happy. The other is when we fail to know the truth of the identity we have in God. 

Intro to Lent

A brief reflection:

To what is this season devoted? False piety? Self-imposed loathing? A sense of the macabre? None of these seem to fit. The Lord spoke through the prophets declaring how much He hates the solemn assemblies that were going on. Why would the Lord hate them? Does He no longer wish to engage with His people? Was He, is He, rejecting His people because He no longer cares for them? Has He changed His nature and is no longer loving, desirous of seeing that which was broken and corrupted restored and cleansed?

Or, perhaps, it isn't the assemblies themselves as much as it is the hardened hearts that were/are attending. Perhaps, the Lord loves all assemblies that are done in truth and spirit. The man-made solemn ones, however, are seen not to produce faith, but instead to produce a self-fulfilling sense of pride at how humble a person can become. There is a saying in the gospels when Jesus discusses worship and repentance. He notes the difference between two people. One prides himself on his religiosity. The other humbles himself in recognition of all that it is that God does for him. Jesus says that the second went home justified. Your words during this season will have far less weight and may even condemn you based upon the position of your heart.

The season of Lent is a calling to all the faithful to draw near to God. To examine those points whereby religion has replaced (or even supplanted) relationship with Him. It is a time to repent, in the truest sense of the term, of those areas that have led the believer away in order to refocus and rekindle that "first love". It is also a time of preparation to the non-believer or newly believing to prepare to enter the waters of baptism. To enter into the death of Christ at the cross and emerge as a new born child of God on the other side of the vast ocean of baptism.

Welcome to Lent.

A Christmas Letter

Date 12/08/13

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

As we approach the celebration of the Nativity of our Lord, I find myself pondering the past couple of years. How has your faith been affected by the events that you have lived through? Has it been shaken, strengthened or perhaps even down right diminished? Have you grown closer in relationship with our Lord or further away? Perhaps you find that the relationship hasn’t really changed at all. Have you found what you thought you were looking for? Have you found what you believe you have needed? Do you still feel lost, saddened, empty, abandoned?

None of this is unusual. Even the greatest of the Church’s saints had moments of less than clear beliefs. In the days ahead, I hope to offer, Father God willing, some encouragement. All is not lost. What is past is past and we cannot undo what has been written, but our future remains for us to step into.

In the Christian faith there is often what has been referred to as the Dark Night of the Soul. It is a time when you may feel absolutely abandoned by God that he has somehow stopped listening to you and you are left on your own. Notice, please, I said, “feel” like you have been abandoned. It is actually in this dark night, that God is closest to you. It is often during these times that circumstances have come into your lives that are calling to question your faith, patience, endurance, tolerance, hope and any number of other thoughts, traditions or practices. Though not necessarily brought in by God, when we sacrifice these to Him, He will then use the circumstances in order to promote growth for us.

In these winter months the days are shorter and nights longer. There is a physical absence of light in our lives that can be overwhelming. This may be an outward reflection of what you are feeling internally. My hope is to encourage you to continue to press in. Do not lose faith, but use this as a time to diligently seek for a deeper relationship with your Heavenly Father through His Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ and allow that relationship to become manifest in your everyday life. You are not alone in this struggle. You are not only in current company of many who have experienced this, including myself, but you are in an eternity of company of so many saints who have come before. Take courage from their stories.

You have a royal destiny and together, we can as a body of believers can change a community. We must, come together in faith. Share with each other our struggles and celebrations getting past that, which would divide us and holding fast to that which would unite us; even Jesus Christ himself. Along this way, I am here for counsel and guidance, you need but ask and we can set up an appointment.

Know this, you are loved. If you haven’t been able to join us in a while, you are also missed. Let us step into the Nativity with the same renewed sense of hope that the Magi had when they approached Bethlehem. A King has been born to us. He is at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us. He will come again. He has sent the Holy Spirit, his first gift. With this in our hearts and minds, we will stand united. We will move as one. We will seek to bring His love and His power to a world desperately in need of it. Do not lose hope. The War has been won; we are merely here to handle the mop up.

Love always, 

Fr. Frank Lockwood

The season

On the trail the golden colors as they hit the ground

Gradually fading giving off the aroma

Of a calling back to days gone by

Friends and faces coming to mind

Missing shadows along the trail distant voices

Left as whispers caught in the wind

Coming back to blend with crisp streams

Of light piercing needled canopies

Highlighting rooted walkways exposed

By trail days gone by as the heart beat

Quickens pulse on the rise slowing the pace

Taking time and a long breath looking to remember

The amber scented leaves of summers

Gone by like so many memories 

Flooding the mind, one more step

Another rise to bring hope

Balanced by sadness for those lost

And or left behind, where have they gone

Like golden fading leaves pushed 

To the ground their scent ever fading

Like the setting of the sun the temperature 

Dropping as breath becomes visible 

Crispness of intake a minor distraction

Until a sound a scent a knowing stirs up

More memories of autumn hunts gone by.

Wolf becomes shepherd

The wolf becomes the shepherd

The hunger painful driving,

An emptiness with gaping jaws

To try all things taste all things

Yet no satisfaction left wanting 

what's next

Over time the salivating

Drooling down the chin

Seeking smelling sniffing and racking

Searching out a prey 

That's never been 

Panic

Always on the move

No resting just waiting

Strengthening of cravings

Driving a heart mad 

Eyes no longer fixed

But blurred vision beyond redemption

Trembling 

What is this that is hunted for

Is there any slaking the thirst

Pulling back the reigns on this driving force

Or fated to implode Ina fit

Of frustration and rage

To thine own self now the enemy be

Till

Collapsed Ina heap

Pile of skin n bones

A cool furnace of breath

Begins to fill the lungs

Heart quickening of a pulse from beyond

New drum beat new song

Waking to a dream

New hunger that need not be satisfied

As predator and prey become

One and the same

New hunt new mission new fields to explore

New hills to run as thirst slaked 

With a new rain

Thanks to new reign

The wolf becomes shepherd

What better protector

Gentle as dove

With canines like razors

Strength upside down in love

Thank you my new master 

Lamb become wolf

Wolf become shepherd

faith and sin

What is our real call as Christians? Is it to legislate a sense of morality? Is it to wave angry fists at those with whom we disagree? Is it to throw insults back at those who insult us?

I truly doubt that our call is any of those above. I believe our call is first and foremost to be in relationship with our Creator through His Son who did the work on the cross by way of his own sacrifice in order to reconcile us back to our heavenly Father. I believe that this call then includes living our lives in such manners that this relationship is expressed naturally in all that we do so that His glory may be reflected back to the world.  We are given the word which outlines the steps in which The Word did this to set the pace for those who would later deny their "self, take up their cross daily and follow" him.

What did this include?

It included touching those who should not, by societal standards, be touched. It also includes sitting with those who were/are considered "unclean", sharing meals, talking with them, revealing the heart of their heavenly Father to them, encouraging them to seek that relationship for their self so that they too may experience that restoration intended from the beginning. He challenged behaviors that did not line up with that relationship. He especially challenged those who claimed that they had that very same relationship but were not living in a manner that reflected the relationship they claimed to have.

He embraced the sinner while rejecting, and literally in some cases physically casting out, the sin. We are called to do the same. As John points out, the world does not need to be judged, because it is judged already. It is condemned already. Therefore, there is little to any reason to work on condemning the world further. In fact, what the world needs, what we as Christians are called to do, is to demonstrate what it is like to be transformed by the renewing of our minds rather than remaining conformed to the ways of this world.

This cannot be legislated. It cannot be forced. It cannot be made to happen. I've tried and know for a fact that you cannot force a horse to drink water. They will yank, pull, twitch, buck and kick, but they will not open their mouth and start to drink just because you are trying to force their face into the trough. Allow the horse time to realize it is thirsty and it will reach into that trough for what will refresh.

The example of a genuine/real/non-hypocritical Christian lifestyle is supposed to give direction for that thirst that we feel rumbling up from that deep unknown place within.

We so often fall back into that pattern that is referred to as original sin. Do you know what it is? No, it is not being naked, nor is it about sex, apples or kiwi (as one person proposed). It is about man's innate desire to be his own god. We want to have all the knowledge in order to have all the control so that we can make things happen the way we want them to happen. I discovered some time ago now, that this just simply doesn't work. There was a saying I heard when a teen but cannot recall who originated it; in the beginning, God created man, in return, man created god.

This perspective allows me to see that all of us are broken. Some hide their brokenness well. Others fail to see where their brokenness begins. Others recognize their brokenness and strive to make up for it--over working, over achieving, trying to make up for it by fixing others, etcetera. I know for certain that I cannot save anyone. I can come alongside them in their grief and share the gifting of love that has been given to me. I can meet them while they are in their own darkness, lost in their own sin and allow them to see the lack of judgment and condemnation in my own eyes. I can share with them my own story of being in darkness and what happened when I began to walk out of the shadows and into the light. I cannot by my own strength, but by His strength flowing through me, meet someone where they are at. It allows me to see with His eyes and notice the person separate from whatever their "stuff" may be (current sin, addictions, abuses, histories and the like). I am called to be a light in the darkness to give proof to the effective working of God in a person's life.

Yet, there is also a truth to the challenge associated with being this light; the message is one of love (God with everything you have and your neighbor as yourself) but does that mean that sin no longer exists? Does love excuse whatever a person would do as long as they do it out of love?

I don't believe so. I believe that in the case of genuine love, it means that we would do what we could in regards to guiding others away from self-harm (and therein lies another debate about what constitutes self-harm and who has the right to interfere).  This may seem like it would then justify legislating morality, yet, it is not. I continue to hold true to the statement made earlier that one cannot legislate morality. We must, though, provide an example that may lead others to this same light that we as Christians have come to know. Not coercion to refrain from sin, but a loving desire to live in a new way.....thanks be to God.

like Paul

It has been a long time coming with little to no word. Recently as I was meditating, a word came that I was in Corinth. Spent time seeking clarity. No, not Corinth New York, but in Corinth from the letter to the Corinthians. It did not make much sense initially, but sparked something internally regarding prayer and meditation.

With that, I came to a new appreciation for the letters that Paul wrote. As I rewound the tape, in the spirit, new perspective started to come. Is Paul nothing more than a male chauvinist? Is all that he is is someone who is controlling, dealing with unresolved inner demons and taking it out on others? Are Paul's letters all about control and intolerance?

Often, this is some of what I have heard as well as what I have some what thought myself. I took the time to meditate after getting the word. I asked about these thoughts and others. Then comes an unusual answer. I had to ask what it was that drove Paul to write the letters he was writing. I had to ask what my motivate him and what was his aim in writing them. In doing so, I also had to ask what the circumstances were that he was sending these words into. Then comes the answer after much thought, prayer and meditation.

The love of a father for a child. The love of the Father for His children. This was the motivation, this was the drive, this is what permeates each of the letters. The desperate love of a parent expressed to children in circumstances that are so perilous that the parent fears for the eternal outcome of the children's lives and very souls. It is that love that moves him.

The light bulb went on. Revelation came. In the process of all of this, the prior thoughts came up and began to dissolve like a sand castle as the waves begin to pull the particles away and reveal a freshly groomed beach of gleaming white sand.  I hear the desperation he feels. I hear the desire that he has for his spiritual son to live into the blessings and spiritual gifts he has been given. I see the desire he has for all of his children to get along and pay closer attention to the important things. The desire that he expresses for them to set aside any petit differences in order to be more focused on the work of the kingdom........

Amazing the change in perspective.

I know now, there is much more reading for me to do. More meditations to be done as well. Thank you God.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Now abide faith, hope and love, these three, and the greatest of these is love.

Each of these is a choice:

• Faith: choosing to trust now, being focused on the present rather than anchored in the past and revisiting mistakes...faith involves trusting and a willingness to step forward, choosing to take that chance even if what is next cannot yet be seen, it operates in life by selectively holding onto what is needed and letting go of the rest, where the trust is placed determines the source of the strength provided and is choice to believe rather than disbelieve, to step rather than stand still and to hold hands rather then clench fists

• Hope: choosing the future yet to be realized, it is allowing that unrealized future to be the anchor that draws you continually onward, a rope that is gripped to in order to be pulled upward out the well of despair, much like Jeremiah out of the cistern, it is that which points forward and draws the eyes from dwelling on what was but straining towards what is not yet

• Love: the greatest for a reason, in choosing love, we choose to be patient and kind, we choose to forgive rather than choosing revenge, we choose to celebrate successes rather than batter with past mistakes, we choose to encourage rather than cast doubt, we choose to live out faith and hope as gifts to be given away, without them we sail lost and confused, when we choose love, we choose healing and wholeness, an opportunity for growth and connectedness, we redefine intimacy on our own terms and we freely give away a gift of peace no matter the storm being faced, love is the binding and threading, the purposing of faith and hope, it shapes the future with the expectation not founded in the past, but free of the disease of regret and inoculated against condemnation, it is the fire that burns bright making it okay to have in that which we do not yet see and to hope in that which has not yet fully come to be

This is not about emotions which come and go and can change with wind, this is not about popular opinion or instant gratification, it is not about brownies, puppies or warm fuzzies

It is about making the choice even if the evidence tells you not to, it is answering the higher calling and allowing inspiration to flow from God through the spirit and well up inside so that grace and mercy are able to join in the dance and peace is given away, a peace that flows out of the peace that surpasses all understanding, it is to choose as He chose, to choose love for others, faith in Him and a hope in the future He has promised no matter what yesterday tells you.

Precepts of Men

I was on my way into work and coming to the close of my meditation on the Second Coming and the New Heaven and New Earth. As I did, there was that piece of me that drifted away from the meditation and recalled a discussion I was involved in regarding tattoos. The teaching throughout much of the evangelical church is that God forbade anyone to have any tattoos. I was disagreeing with the posting based upon what the one verse in the book of Leviticus is referencing regarding the marking of the body as dedication to the dead--part of pagan worship practices (then and now). Then it hit me...."you teach as the Word of God precepts of men and neglect...." Jesus speaking....hmmmm

I view Eucharist as a Holy moment. Jesus did not say, "this is kinda sorta like my body and blood and I would like you to once a month sit down and think about that as a remote distant memory and allow yourself a warm fuzzy". Not one manuscript that I am aware of has anything other than his saying "this is my body" and "this is my blood" (emphasis added).  He very clearly indicates that there is more than a simple memory going on. In Luke's gospel, Jesus chooses the moment of fracture (breaking of the bread) to reveal himself to the disciples he has been walking with. Paul lays out a strong exhortation to not receive communion in an "unworthy manner" which, he explains has been leading to "weak...sickly....many sleep" (1 Cor 11:30).  So, obviously there is something there in the Eucharist. 

Another quick background point; the common Jewish (Hebrew) form of worship was to bow low. Throughout the Tanakh we see this. It is especially important to do so at the time of the pronouncement of God's Name during the feast of Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement. At a point in the feast, after several washings and sacrifices, the High Priest comes forward and pronounces to the congregation (assembly) gathered the proper Name of God. At this, the whole gathering as one bows to the ground. Fast forward to John 18 and Jesus being confronted by the group of guards sent from the temple with the assistance of Judas to arrest Jesus in the garden. They all bow when he responds to them using the phrase I Am....why? The logical reason would be that in the Aramaic that Jesus spoke, he used the Hebrew phrase for I Am which goes back to the encounter of Moses at the burning bush and God using this phrase to identify himself. Fast fast forward to Revelation and we are told that at the Name of Jesus, there will come a time when every knee shall bow. Now, back to the present. At the Eucharist, Jesus, being that he is both divine and human and a resurrected human at that, is somehow fully present...."this is my body", "this is my blood", irrespective of what Zwingli may have argued as he limited God's abilities. So, why would we not bow at the Eucharist? After all, if ancient Israel is to bow at God's name and future generations will all bow at the name of Jesus, why would we not bow at his actual presence? 

Teachings exist to contradict this. Okay, following your convictions I will make some room for in order to avoid becoming a legalist. You wish to stay standing during Eucharist, do so. You wish not to bow your head or make the sign of the cross over yourself, okay, I am not going to jump on your case about your lack of recognizing "real presence".  Yet, these same proponents who argue against the real presence and/or acknowledgment of that real presence (for a multitude of reasons inclusive of a fear of "looking too Catholic"----yes, I have heard that cited as a reason), will state that one cannot have any alcohol. They teach that the bible says that one is not allowed to have any alcohol because the body is the temple of God...... 

I cannot find that in scripture. I have found multiple citations to not become drunk, to not act foolish or to not become addicted. I have found these in both the Old and New Testaments. Yet, never once have I come across a scripture that says to not engage in any alcohol use or equates the use of alcohol with sin. In truth, Paul, who is often used as the source for the argument of the body being the new temple and the need to keep it pure for that reason, tells Timothy to have some wine for the sake of his stomach. How much is too much? That is what a person will have to determine. If you are addicted, then any much is too much. If you become violent when you drink, then any is too much. If you are prone to unhealthy choices and do not practice self control, then any is too much. I agree with several pastors who have stated that abstinence is a better choice. I would whole heartedly endorse that and have often stated that abstinence is always the safer choice. You cannot abuse alcohol if you never engage in its use. Yet, to offer a flat interpretation and state that any use is sinful is teaching the precepts of men in place of what God has stated in his word. 

The same could be said for the way one comes dressed to church. I am a fan of giving to God our best. It is certainly the most biblical formula. He instructs Israel only to offer the best in sacrifices of the flock and never to offer up the lame or blemished. When we come to church (or corporate worship if the word "church" evokes too much negative connotation), we should be offering up to God our best. On an individual basis, though, that best is going to have a wide array of representation. For some, their best is going to be $700 suits. Others, however, may be best adorned in $1 flip-flops. When you come to the feast you will be provided a wedding garment (that is, the draping of Christ's righteousness, a la the parable of the wedding guests) which will cover whatever you may have arrived in. I understand that this is not an easy concept to wrap around and certainly may bring up history and family issues for some. I recall the days of very unsightly plaid polyester pants that wore like 60 grit sandpaper. My parents wanted us to look our best for when we attended a service. I get that. Some of that has stayed with me. However, to accost someone because of their mode of dress when they come through the door? What conclusions are you jumping to? I remember a conversation with a friend many years ago who was insistent that men should be in ties when they come to worship. His belief was that you could easily get a tie from anyplace such as the Salvation Army and that is how one should always dress for Church. I asked him when it was we began worshipping church and turned away from worshipping God? There was no response to the question. 

Then there is the issue of the pharisaical clean cup on the outside and dirty cup on the inside. I look forward to the day that we may present our whole self, clothes and all, as the richest of garments. In the meanwhile, I am okay with jeans and sneakers. My prayer is for conversion of the heart and mind first. Anything can too readily be accused of the same old hypocrisy that we as believers are often accused of. 

What weakens the Church? A quick answer that I would propose is this: we camp out in our own territory on the precepts of men and hold that ground forgetting that they are precepts of men and not the word of God. We allow ourselves to become divided over smaller matters and "forget the weightier manners of mercy". This divides the denominations. I pray that God will always convict me of when I hold onto such precepts and allow them to divide me further. I pray that I will listen well to His heart and will so that I do not camp out in such areas. May we hold ground on well founded biblical doctrine. May we hold fast to the necessities of our faith and not compromise on such. And, may we, as a body of believers, not fail to give away God's grace and mercy wherever we can.

More to come at a later time..........